A daily sobriety and accountability podcast
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Time for a house day! More family visiting tomorrow and Monday (which I’m enthusiastic about! Honest!), and after the radio show it’ll be All Chores All The Time today, freeing up tomorrow for family time.
Everything’s on track!
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Up late this morning because my phone ran out of battery and the cats were being surprisingly decent! So running a bit short on time. Good run (steps at the local outdoor track), and food’s been great since vacation ended (not too shabby during vacation either).
It’s Day 950! Closing in on 1000. That’s a big number!
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Well, I’m rebooting. There’s only 88 days until 1000, but I’m kind of into restarting this. I’ve had a kidney stone, some sort of depressive episode (diagnosis uncertain, still), and I’m granting myself the do-over.
Exercise this morning — 25 minutes of spin, ’cause it’s raining out — and back on logging 100 days. My wife’s starting a sugar-free July, and I’m there with her, and the doctor did prescribe the exercise.
Still feeling flat, to be honest, but hopefully the exercise will kick in, endorphins, etc.
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That was a weird, rough night — felt wibbly before I went to bed, woke up in the middle of the night feeling off; eventually went back to bed, slept a bit later, but have still managed to crank out some exercise and am almost back on track.
I feel… better? I think? It’s hard to tell if this was a passing thing; if a passing thing, I kind of suspect maybe dehydration as a culprit. I ran 10k yesterday and got into that thing at work where I felt dehydrated and thirsty but kept “just one more thing before I get up and go get water”-ing until the day was over and I went home.
So let’s chalk it up to mild dehydration making me feel weird, and make Big Water a goal for today.
Despite a slightly shaky Sunday things are still going well; the Magic Bag is working, One Day At A Time is helping me battle snack cravings, and hopefully all of this in aggregate over a long period of time will help me rewrite the “bored, stressed, anxious = eat” part of my brain through repeated resistance of that instinct.
I know I’ve said this a few times but I’ve been reading diet-resistance articles recently, all very well founded (here’s one), and again: I’m not hungry. I’m eating an appropriate amount. I’m just trying to retrain my snackin’ brain from treating food like a pastime instead of a source of nourishment.
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Good run this morning; nothing record-breaking but then again, records are infrequent by design. Rabbits on the trail, which is nice to see; I’ve seen urban foxes recently too, which I’m guessing is related to the rise in urban rabbits recently. People think the foxes are charming but don’t like seeing them eat the rabbits; they especially don’t like seeing the foxes eat their cats, but then again, the cats are eating the songbirds, so.
The point? Not sure; just running 10k in a developed environment and watching nature creep in. A walk in the woods yesterday had us surrounded by birdsong at one point, which is something we don’t have at home.
A little more snacking yesterday than I’d like; some slippage due to D&D night wreaking havoc on my sleep; I tried to nap but it didn’t happen, so I was super tired and my willpower was low. Not that big a deal in the balance; just reinforces the need for the magic bag.
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It’s been an okay couple of days for the Magic Bag, but it’s definitely flexing against the necessities of life. Things get unpredictable when you leave the house, so there’s been some adjustments yesterday and today.
On the whole, though, I’m happy. Weight’s up a little, which is kinda weird, but obsessing about points isn’t the point; this is 100 days to retrain myself on how I eat, and hopefully my instinctive approach to food, which is going to be healthy in the long run.
It might be good to point out I’m not starving myself; I’m eating appropriate calories for a man, just in the lower half of that range. I’m also not hungry all the time, which is a good sign. About an hour before meals I start to get hungry, and I think that’s also a good sign; by the time I eat, both lunch and dinner, I’ve got an appetite. That seems like how things should be, instead of just kind of being sated all the time.
Sunday today; no ‘real’ exercise but we’re going to do a nature trail this morning, and hopefully I’ll have a big nap late morning or early afternoon (D&D last night; I’m running on about five hours’ sleep).
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Things are… still good. Sleeping well (probably partly because of good regular exercise), feeling positive. Yesterday was a bit of a challenge for the ol’ Magic Bag, because even if you can see a menu online before you visit a restaurant, you still don’t know exactly what the food will be, and I felt full all afternoon in an uncomfortable way I haven’t felt since I started this, with an added appearance from the Salt Monster.
My first weight gain in two weeks on the scales this morning too — again, I suspect not really understanding portions when I filled the magic bag in the morning, and some water retention after a delicious (but salty [and that’s why it’s delicious!]) meal.
Today’s another restaurant day! So I’m going to be very conservative with food for the rest of the day and save up, and try to do a little presearch to see what our options are. The town we’re going to abuts a reserve, which means there might be more interesting food options, but the vegan question is always a good one.
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25% into the 100-day challenge! Not the fastest run today, but I was reading some threads on running wisdom on Reddit and the most common theme was “not every day is a race.” So there. Also, I saw a very handsome fox.
I feel… good. Hopefully not jinxing myself by saying that, but after two false starts (including the first 10 days of this start), I think I’m really in the groove with the one day at a time, Magic Bag, exercise every day but Sunday approach. Probably the fact that it’s actually light out in the morning has something to do with it to.
I feel good, though! I’m still dropping what I think of as the “easy weight;” four or five pounds when I get in the groove is pretty normal. It’s the next 75 days that are going to be the hill to climb, and the important thing there is not to think of it as 75 days. It’s one day at a time. It’s not a matter of saying “oh my God, I have to be great for another two and a half months,” it’s just focusing on the next 12 hours. Can I exercise today? I can. Can I go just today without eating anything outside the Magic Bag? I can.
We’re coming up on the weekend, and a big challenge: the road trip. We’re going to be in uncharted waters Saturday afternoon and evening, so I’m prepping by looking at restaurants where we plan to be on the Internet with the intent of filling the Magic Bag on Saturday morning with what I intend to eat Saturday evening.
It’s been a fast 25 days!
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Almost a quarter through the hundred days and I feel like I’m really on track. The first 10% of this was a bit of a muddle, but I’m in the groove and a quarter done! Woo!
Today brings… another food table. Another event! But yesterday went really well, in that I just packed a lunch and a snack, ate my own food, and didn’t even begin food table negotiations. Today’s just a repeat, so easier than yesterday, I’ll expect.
(shouldn’t get cocky, though).
It is good to feel like I’m in the groove here. 25% in. One day at a time!
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Big event at work today, and it’s one of those events where there will be a speaker and “light refreshments provided,” which usually translates as mixed sandwiches, crackers and cheese, squares, and possibly a cake. A Food Table.
Sandwiches are my nemesis, as I think I’ve mentioned before. I don’t know why, exactly. I’m not a sandwich guy at home. I rarely make sandwiches and I don’t desire sandwiches in my routine life. But put me in front of a table of half-sandwiches made by somebody else, and it’s like a terrible switch flips in my brain. Sandwiches!
Texting with my wife (4 a.m. start, she was at work for 5), she asked why I don’t stick some snacks from this event in the Magic Bag, as that’s kind of the whole Magic Bag idea. After some reflection, I realized that it’s easier for me to avoid the Food Table than to negotiate with the Food Table.
Once I’m in a relationship with the Food Table, there’s a lot that can go wrong. I can crumble in the face of sandwiches. I can just kind of pile stuff on a plate absent-mindedly as I talk to somebody else. I can start doing that mental math-game calculus of well I did do twenty minutes of spin this morning so just one more…
Avoiding the food table, though, is a delight. Pure and simple. Just avoid the food table.
More importantly, don’t start playing the mental math game of what-counts-what-doesn’t-count, etc.
So yes. It’s going to take some willpower in the face of sandwiches, but there will be no Food Table negotiations on this day.