Day 766: Nightmares! Nightmares!

I think it’s psychic chaff from some bad times last week, but last night was weird. Like I had a superlayer of brain saying let’s get David Lynchy and a sublayer of brain saying “sure, pal!” On one level, the nightmares weren’t that scary because I had some awareness that they were nightmares. On the other level, my brain is capable of some impressively weird crap to the point that I woke up at 2 a.m. more marvelling at what I could come up with than in a state of real fear.

Of course, this affected sleep, and yadda yadda, but I’m on track today and feeling pretty bad about the setback from taking a few days off over the weekend. I was kind of hoping for a quick snap back, but no such luck. Setbacks are real, now — long gone the days of my 20s when I could indulge and count on my metabolism to push me back onto firm footing. It’s going to take just as long to get back where I was as it did before: four days of time off and two weeks of progress lost means two weeks to get it back — not four days.

The math seems profoundly unfair, but it is what it is. I think the nightmares are me burning off the residue bad vibes from the pre-slump issues, and that’s a good thing — I feel like I’m back on track, not just deviating from a slump. Purging the negative energy, as goofily hippy as that sounds, is a good thing.

Day 123: Booze Dreams

So last night: booze dreams! I guess, over four months in, I’m still exorcising stuff. I dreamt I got drunk as a skunk. Also, I was staying in a mansion belonging to my father-in-law and there was a party and somebody lost a horse. But that’s dreams for you.

The interesting thing is that it wasn’t a “good time” booze dream. It was pretty gross, actually. I was sick-drunk, not throwing up but close, and the haze of the dream-booze was combining with the haze of the dream-dream and it was all super unpleasant. 

Booze dreams: purging some psychic poison?

Maybe it means nothing, but I’m choosing to believe it means something. I’ve gotten out of toxic situations before, and it took months before I felt like I was actually extricated. And there were dreams there, too. And while I’ve never had a dramatic issue with booze, this has still been a big step.

So I think I’m actually processing some of the lingering stresses around all this.

Which is good! As much as the dreams are unpleasant.