Day 294: Lazy Sunday

It’s a late morning — partly because it was an early morning, and then I went back to bed. I sometimes get up early on Sundays, and watch movies my wife isn’t interested in. This morning it was Colossal.

I knew it was a weird indie monster movie comedy but I had no idea had a lot to say about alcohol, too. I’m trying to compress it into a booze metaphor, but I think that’s too easy. Good movie, though.

Starting the day on a movie about an alcoholic was kind of a weird beginning to it. Especially since yesterday was rougher than I thought, emotionally — frankly, it’s weird to be with drunk people when you’re sober. Sometimes more weird than others. And maybe I don’t deal as well with drunk people while sober as other sober people do.

But it stresses me out. Emotional unpredictability is hard for me to deal with normally, and alcohol turns that up about 1000 times. So I find myself crazy exhausted today — just wanting some peace and quiet and recharge time. Lots of yard work to do, and some schoolwork, which I think will be a good place for me to be today.

I feel like a bit of a wimp talking about this. “Not being drunk is hard! Waaah!” But it’s the truth of my situation. I’m not the world’s best person at dealing with emotion normally. Slam those levers into the red and roll dice every five minutes and I’m just not the right person for that job.

So I’m going to have to talk to my wife about this. I don’t think she drinks too much by normal standards, but she does get really drunk when she drinks, and it’s hard on me. I thought it wouldn’t be, but it is.



Day Eighty-Five: Booze Hostage

One side effect of being sober is being a “booze hostage.”  I like hanging out with my drinking friends, and my wife, and I don’t mind when they drink and I don’t. But here’s the thing — you can’t rush a drink.

Here’s the scenario: I’m out with somebody. They order a beer. I order a soda. They drink their beer, I drink my soda.

Life is good.

They order a second beer. I don’t want another soda, so I’m on water.

Over time, the conversation is… it’s fine, but the bar’s loud, it’s not so easy to hear. I’m not buzzed in the way that makes conversation flow like it does when you’re drinking.

So there’s a kind of drink gap in conversation.

I start getting itchy feet. I could be doing something; if I’m with my wife, we could just as easily be talking while cooking, or doing laundry. Or doing something.

But what are you going to do? If the beer is high-grav, I’m not going to start demanding you chug it. I can’t ask you to walk away from a good beer. So I’m kind of stuck.

Being a booze hostage means patience. And planning.

One thing I need to do is start taking my iPad with me. And/or phone. Or a book, or… something. I feel like a massive jerk, in some ways — what, you don’t like conversation? But I also don’t like loud places (which bars are) and I’ve got about a 45-minute attention span for talk when nothing else at all is going on. It’s how I am. And the conversations you have once people are a couple beers in get more… elevated in tone and emotion, and it’s kind of taxing when you’re sober.

So I need to start planning my booze hostage moments better. It’s good that I’m not drinking, and it’s good that I don’t plan to drink. Also good that I like hanging out with my wife, and my friends.

But if I’m not going to be insufferable while other people drink, I need to find better strategies to amuse myself.