Day 969: Back to Bed!

Bad sleep again — what’s up, nightmares? Snakes! Weird brain week. But I’m powering through with up early, exercise, and very soon back to bed.

It is a weird brain week. I’m’a chalk it up to a big work project and being back in school soon; this is one of those situations where I feel like things are good and on track, but who knows what mental chaff is ticking around in the back end.

So: shower, and quick nap before work. Good to have exercise done for the morning, even if it’s a short bout.

Day 968: Nightmares!

I don’t know what psychic chaff I’m burning off, but last night was wall to wall nightmares — which, in my world, are usually travel stress dreams, involving lost luggage, missed connections, and at one point being chased by a bull.

Are these even nightmares? My wife dreams of being murdered all to heck my monsters. Those are nightmares! I had a lot of “the road is closed even though the sign said it had one lane open, now I have to backtrack, oh no something is wrong with the clutch and the car keeps slipping into neutral” stuff.

At any rate — I was up and down all night, so let myself sleep in this morning and am now running late for everything. I’m getting back on track (hooray for leftover coffee).

What’s most interesting is why nightmares? Things are going quite well. There might be a temptation to try to read something into travel dreams, specifically, but travel stresses seem to be my sole form of nightmare.

Upcoming schoolin’ and Dry and Mighty, possibly. Work is never without stress; that’s part of the job (but it’s not extraordinary right now, I would say).

Maybe sometimes the brain chaff just builds up and needs to get jettisoned.

Anyway: nightmares! And my nightmares are weird; more about being thwarted and frustrated than physically menaced (except by the bull).

Day 766: Nightmares! Nightmares!

I think it’s psychic chaff from some bad times last week, but last night was weird. Like I had a superlayer of brain saying let’s get David Lynchy and a sublayer of brain saying “sure, pal!” On one level, the nightmares weren’t that scary because I had some awareness that they were nightmares. On the other level, my brain is capable of some impressively weird crap to the point that I woke up at 2 a.m. more marvelling at what I could come up with than in a state of real fear.

Of course, this affected sleep, and yadda yadda, but I’m on track today and feeling pretty bad about the setback from taking a few days off over the weekend. I was kind of hoping for a quick snap back, but no such luck. Setbacks are real, now — long gone the days of my 20s when I could indulge and count on my metabolism to push me back onto firm footing. It’s going to take just as long to get back where I was as it did before: four days of time off and two weeks of progress lost means two weeks to get it back — not four days.

The math seems profoundly unfair, but it is what it is. I think the nightmares are me burning off the residue bad vibes from the pre-slump issues, and that’s a good thing — I feel like I’m back on track, not just deviating from a slump. Purging the negative energy, as goofily hippy as that sounds, is a good thing.