Day 207: Still bored with myself

Mom said there’d be days like this. Well, she didn’t, really. “Son, in the future, there will be this thing called the Internet, and this thing called podcasts, which are like radio but not, and…”. If mom had that kind of prescience, my life would be very different now.

But had mom been that prescient, she would have told me there’d be days like this. It’s rainy outside, and I’m mopey inside. Good 13k run, but I need a kick in the pants to get me back on track.

As I started thinking about yesterday, this project might be that kick. Specifically, being bored with myself might be it.

Bear with me as I over think this. I started this to be publicly accountable, and to kind of chronicle where I’m at with this whole thing. But the accounting is becoming the thing. It might be the keeping of the record that motivates the success of the project.

So it’s all very quantum and Schrodingery. The state of observing this experiment is changing the experiment.

At any rate — it’s been a bad week or so in terms of staying on track. And I’m tired of repeating the same things about “I need to get on this” and “I need to get motivated.” So unless I quit this, which I don’t intend to, my sheer boredom with myself is going to start galvanizing some change.

And that’s weird. At least to me.

Maybe it’s not weird at all. Maybe this is normal for diarists and journal writers: they instigate change in their lives, just to have something to write about. That’s never been a reason to keep a journal that I’ve heard; it’s all reflective blah blah blah contemplation yar bar bar gratitude flee gee gee. But maybe the reason to keep a journal is to make yourself so sick of yourself that you become cool. Just to have an interesting journal.

Food for thought.