Day 737: So Much For The Easy Weight

I just went through 2018 looking for my longest streak. 20 uninterrupted days of logging. Only 20! That surprised me, as well as how absolutely terrible the back half of the year was for logging and fitness in general. I chalk it up to some work issues, which were resolved before the end of 2018, and I now have a streak to break: 20 days. Three weeks! One already down. No sweat.

The last few days, I think I’m through the easy weight — whenever I get back on track, there’s kind of a four-or-five pound drop that happens almost immediately. I don’t know if it’s just water weight that I’m carrying due to eating garbage that happens to be salty, or if it’s mind over matter, or if focusing on my health makes me poop more — whatever it is, there’s a quick rush of “easy weight” that always makes me, well, overconfident.

I ran out of easy weight a couple of days ago — I think I’m into the grinding work of this now, which is fine. Everything is fine.

Art by the legendary KC Green, from Gunshow. Buy his stuff!

It does get harder from here, though. I think — again — this is almost a job for Sober Brain, where I need to take the same determination I apply to not drinking and just turn its unblinking eye on following the program every day come hell or high water.

It’s a good program; it works. Even if I didn’t know I was doing it, I spent two years developing it through trial and error (and error, and error).

Day 463: Accrual progress vs. All Is Lost

Turned out to be a weird, low-energy, snacky day yesterday — as it happens, “I want this but I want change more” doesn’t work so well in the moments when you really don’t want change more.

So it’s a bad morning on the scales and a sluggish morning overall today.

When you read a bit about sobriety, you run across interesting stuff. One thing is the science — and I have not seen this, and cannot verify it, it requires its own research and is right now just a “thing I’ve heard” — the science apparently says that relapses are less bad among people who dread relapses less.

Which is kind of counter-intuitive, right? You’d think people who really dread relapse would do it less frequently, and less deeply, than people who are a bit more casual about it.

But those who have more of an “accrual” method of sobriety — “I made it for 21 days, then I had some bad days, but I have 21 days of sobriety and now I want to add to that tally” apparently do better than people who use the “don’t break the chain or you’re doomed” method.

I guess it has something to do with self-imposed pressure, and the “well now everything is screwed, so what the hell” mentality that takes over when the chain is broken.

I can see how that works. I’ve been bringing a “chain” mentality into this from the beginning: be good, don’t stop, see how long you can keep this good thing going. The “accrual” method would probably be healthier on days like today: not oh no, I had a bad day yesterday and I’m boned, but hey, I had a great five-day run last week, I bet I can do six.