Day 105: Weight Gain

When I set up the daily weight thing, I told myself that only the weekly average was important. Day to day weight gain was not important. That was to not freak myself out on the daily.

Well, the weekly average is now going up.

So I’m freaking out.

I mean, it’s not horrific increases, but the fact that I’m gaining weight means I really do need to follow my own advice and get serious about food logging and tracking. I’m still slacking on it, or I’d probably be making more progress.

So the big question is whether I’m using sobriety as an excuse. 

Weight gain is not great

Don’t get me wrong: sober and chubby is better than drunk and chubby. And drunk and skinny, frankly. Drinking was also a factor behind weight gain, or at least keeping me from losing weight.

So let’s review: perfect on sobriety. Good on exercise. Okay on sleep. Lousy on food and weight.

CLEARLY the food logging thing is the winning formula. But I’m still not doing it. So the question, again, is why?

  • Not knowing what I’m going to be eating
  • Not logging  food after the fact because I’m too distracted/lazy
  • Not logging snacks because I’m ashamed
  • Not being motivated to do it

…and as I type this out, that last one is the key.

My motivation to lose weight is clearly less than my motivation to eat.

Which is weird, but then again, I’m a stress eater. My first reaction on seeing my weekly average today was “this weight gain is terrible. I want a cookie.” A totally unbidden thought. There is a literal short circuit in my brain that has “I feel bad” sparking a direct “eat something” response.

So I need to figure out how to decouple that wire. And how to make motivation to lose weight trump motivation to eat. Maybe I need to theme this out: have a week on emotional eating. See where that takes me.