Day 178: Middling days

One of my middling days today. Got up early — thanks, cat — and kind of phoned it in with the rowing. So the mental process there is a bit weird. It’s a constant ping-pong between:

  • I don’t want to do this
  • I should be doing this harder
  • At least I’m doing it at all
  • When can I stop?
  • Shouldn’t I be trying harder?
  • I could just… stop
  • Just get through this

And so on, for the 30 minutes of rowing.

I’m forcing myself to accept this; there will be days where you’re just putting in the work, uninspired, soldiering on. I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation and what motivates me since I started this. One thing is that I don’t think I can live in a state of 100% motivation. This is one of my problems with the self-help stuff. I read it; I’ve been through a few books recently. I should probably talk about the books, huh?

But most of them seem to be about getting to a place where you’re motivated all. The. Time. I don’t know if that’s feasible or really healthy for everyone. It’s a bit like meditation: I know the Motivated People. I’ve met the Motivated People. I don’t think they needed help to be the Motivated People. I think they just are.

Middling days are going to happen, and so are motivated days.

I guess my macro-thought on middling days are that they’re a part of a natural ebb and flow. I don’t want to force them too much. There’s always the internal dialogue of “…am I just being lazy?” And maybe I am. It’s hard to sort this stuff out, mentally.