On Day Five of this challenge, I had my first stumble — bad food logging yesterday. I have been knocked down, but I must get up again. And they are never going to keep me down! A lot of people don’t know that song is about binge drinking. So a terrible theme for sobriety. But it’s day one again.
I usually gloss over these things, but let’s unpack this:
- I got some stressful news. Not life-threatening or anything, but potentially a long-term pain in the arse.
- I ate stupid
- I felt ashamed of eating stupid
- I didn’t log my food because I didn’t want to revisit my shame at eating stupid.
Clearly, the wire that needs to be cut is the one between “stress” and “eating stupid.” That’s an unhealthy wire. But the arbitrariness of accountability is also a big thing. That really can’t stand.
Giving myself a break because I need a break is one thing; just kind of not logging because I’m not proud of what I’ve done is another.
So — call it hubris for saying the 10-day challenge was going well. I’m going to have to reset and start again.
Today is day one again.
I don’t have any answers about rewiring the stress-to-eating part of my brain. I think one of the genesises (geneses?) of the 10-Day Challenge and this whole project is I rewire through DOING, not through stating. I think I need to actually power through a number of stresses without turning to food. Then the circuits will reset. Obviously, I don’t know for sure.
So today is Day One of the 10-Day Challenge again. I think I just need to make runs at this until I get it locked down. Once again:
- Weigh every morning
- Exercise every day (light on Saturdays)
- Log all my planned food in the morning; stick to that plan
- Execute my evening checklist
That’s what I should be doing for the next 10 days. Straight. No exceptions.
Here I go again! On my own! TAKE IT AWAY WHITESNAKE