Day 208: Slightly Less Bored With Myself

Okay, so I’ve established that I need to break old patterns or I’ll drive myself crazy. And this seems to be working, at least in terms of having a few good days under my belt. I’m slightly less bored with myself.

So “not going crazy” is probably the best motivation I’ve found so far. Noted. But how do I find goals I care about to target? “Don’t go crazy” is compelling, but it’d be nice to not go crazy toward something.

“Lose weight for better health and to look better” is clearly not working out for me. At least, it hasn’t to date. I’m grinding some progress, yes, but it’s grinding. It’s not a “woo-hoo” goal, it’s a “fine, let’s grind” goal.

I guess I’m just not that vain. And I feel… okay healthy. Virtuous enough with the sobriety and proximity to veganism. So I don’t really feel driven to get much fitter. Would I like clothes to fit better? Sure. Would I like to be healthier? Sure. Do I feel pressure to make that change? Nah.

So there’s gotta be a different key to exercise/diet than that standard-issue thing. Or maybe I just need to set targets without worrying so much about goals.

It’s weird! I should care! I should feel an immense societal burden to be fit and handsome! But I’m a middle-aged dude and I run a lot. I can do 20 pushups without barfing. I feel like I’m in the top 50 percentile for fitness among people my age, and I don’t care enough to strive for top 10% or whatever.

So maybe I need to do less “this is my deep motivation” and more “I bet I can do X” in terms of keeping myself interested. Less soul-searching and more tweaking just for fun.

I’m going to mull this over a bit… I’ve heard that profound motivation is key my whole life. But when I’m not profoundly motivated, maybe there’s a different trigger?