Day 390: Money Terrifies Me

I don’t talk about finance much here, because it scares the living hell out of me. Partly because I don’t have a head for it, partly because I was raised with values that don’t elevate money, partly because I’m not good at money.

It makes me tremendously anxious to think about it. I have a very modest amount of retirement savings. Enough that there could be emergency funds if something were to happen, but way not enough for any long-term situation. Certainly not where I “should be” on the arc to retirement.

Some of this is circumstance surrounding jobs and the household. Some of it is making kind of penny-smart, pound-foolish choices… we’re great at saving money day to day, but also lapse into periodic extravagance.

I feel like this is the kind of thing I could lean into, but… well, meh? 

It’s also something that’s hard for me to seize on as, well, interesting. 

Definitely something I need to pay more attention to as a stressor, though. It’s an ambient source of pressure; and like physical health, diet, work stress… something that is a precursor to bad behaviour and bad headspace.

I just don’t want to think about it.

So here’s what I’m’a do right now:

  • Set up an automatic transfer of money from my monthly pay to a TFSA;
  • Set a calendar reminder to pay bills every week;
  • Move money from the TFSA to an RRSP every week so I can’t deke money back out.

I think I need to back into a saving position that I can’t back out of. Our belts are reasonably tight, but I’m getting edgy, and doing something definite will help in the short and long terms.

Forcing it might be short-term stressful, but long-term beneficial. I’m sure somebody has figured out how to gamify all this stuff, but… I’m not sure I’d love that game.