I’m sorry. I know there are people out there who are like “there’s nothing I enjoy more than the cool, clear taste of all natural water!” I don’t believe them. We have spent like a billion of years of evolution to invent things that are not water to drink, and if water was so g_d great, we wouldn’t have done that.
Water is boring and I don’t like drinking it.
But I must. Hydration is a pretty big deal, you guys. And I am really bad at it. Of all the ‘healthy’ things I know I’m supposed to do, drinking water is where I fall down the most.
- It is boring. It bores my mouth. My mouth actively says “I am bored.”
- It is virtuous in the worst way of “eat your vegetables” virtuousness.
- It makes me pee a lot, which is really annoying at work, because it’s hard to get into a groove when I’m bouncing up to go to the bathroom all the time.
- Blargh. Just… blargh. Blargh blargh blargh.
But there’s really no substitute.
I don’t want to load up on sugars, either artificial or fruit. I don’t want weird artificial sweeteners and chemicals in me, and I’m trying not to spend money unnecessarily.
So it’s water. It’s free*, it really is legitimately perfect from a health standpoint, and it’s… well, again, necessary.
I try to keep a 2-litre pitcher filled on my desk at work; I fill it to the 2-litre mark in the morning, and try to be finished with it at 5 p.m. That’s… okay, math… that’s two litres divided by eight hours, and that’s all the math I’m doing.
That’s not really much on an hourly basis.
I just wish it didn’t suck so much. You suck, water.
But I’m going to drink you anyway.
*I mean, my taxes help pay for the infrastructure and staff that keep my drinking water potable, so it’s not technically “free”. Also, don’t buy bottled water unless you really, really need to. If we just put all the money we blow on bottled water into supporting our municipalities, we wouldn’t ever need to buy bottled water. It’s true.